Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Day 21 – 10/30/09 Friday

The IVF coordinator called at the crack of dawn to go over the timeline and treatments. I was barely coherent but managed to write everything down and become more overwhelmed about the additional costs and how often I’ll have to go up to HRC to get checked on. My car is going to increase in mileage just from cancer!

Anyway, the bf and I headed up there at noon for our blood tests (he also needed to provide an ahem…semen analysis) and to go over the thirty page consent form. Everything was going well until we had a meltdown in the car over intimacy issues. I’m sure this is a common thing, but he’s worried about making things worse or hurting me in my state. Obviously, that’s not our only issues but in my state of feeling so ugly and unattractive, and him telling me that the excitement is not there anymore, I couldn’t stop crying. The main problem is still with his own physical issues, but everything combined together, along with knowing that soon I won’t even want to have sex is making me filled with despair. It’s been one time in the past two months. And I don’t see that improving any time soon. ☹

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