We spent nearly 12 hours in the park and it was tough today. Not only because I got so easily winded from walking around the sites but because it was so freakin cold. At one point, I was so thoroughly chilled I HAD to have a hot beverage before I shut down. I know I’m worrying the boyfriend since I’m so easily fatigued and have extreme temperature changes myself.
The lymph nodes under my arm are the size of small kumquats. It’s disgustingly frightening and really uncomfortably tender. I can barely put my arms down by my side. I feel like a freak.
I had a dream last night that I was at the hospital and the technician told me I was at stage 3. When I told him the chronology of my illness, he started getting upset and tearing up. Then the doctor came over and told me that actually I was at stage 4 and that it had spread all through a few of my organs. I was so scared, sad and angry.
This likely stemmed from the discussion I had with the bf right before I passed out to sleep. (I’ve been so exhausted by this trip and in general.) I asked him point blank if it felt like I had been deteriorating the past couple of weeks physically, even before the trip or the diagnosis. And he said yes. It scared him and he tried not to think about it too much.
I felt like the deterioration coincided with the diagnosis. Maybe it’s psychological? Maybe it’s the tapering down of prednisone? Maybe it’s the exhaustion of being in different climates and extreme weathers? Or maybe it’s the exhaustion of all the driving and hiking around? Bf said no, you have slowly been getting worse.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment