I didn’t feel like speaking much yesterday at the support group as I was extremely nauseous and it was a small group with new people. So today, I hogged up most of the counseling time with the bf. I know the bf and I still need to work on better communication issues. However, it was a relief to talk about how I feel about things lately.
Mainly I’ve been feeling guilt. Guilt over looking able-bodied, and yet being completely useless from the constant fatigue. Guilt over hating chemo though I know it’s working extremely well on me. Guilt over complaining about anything at the support group, when a lot of the ladies have it so much worse than me.
Also stress and worry. What if the cancer comes back? What is really the difference between “cure” and “remission” in my case? What if I don’t lose all this weight? What if I’m never back to “me” again? How will I be able to have the stamina to exercise, work in the demanding animation industry, or do all the things I used to do again?
I keep reminding myself that it’s normal to have the fatigue and that it will take at least 3 months to even a year or so regain my strength. But when you add all that time up with the treatment duration, the diagnosis timeline, and all those months before that when I was just mysteriously ailing, it’s a daunting amount of time. And it kinda pisses me off.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment