I woke up sobbing today. And I’m sure I scared the bejeezus out of the bf. In the end, Wavy talked me out of my tree and I feel better. Nothing like a great friend to talk some sense into you and make you laugh.
It’s as if a wave of weariness and realization hit me this morning. How did I get here? I miss my old life when I could feel pretty, dress up (in clothes that still felt comfortable!), work out when frustrated, and go out with friends whenever I wanted and not by some chemo/nausea schedule. I miss being wanted by my bf and complimented by coworkers.
My hands don’t even look like mine. They’re darker and dry, the nail beds are purpley and they look like a sick person’s hands.
I think a lot of the things I touched upon yesterday, including the most recent counseling session and the heavy mood of the support group lately are all accumulating in my head. I just felt terribly alone for a moment.
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